Bonnie and Clyde. A couple of new birds here at the farm. I kinda want to rename them…they are only 3 months old. LOL. And I can see why people like silkies so much, they are goofy, sweet little birds.
ALRIGHT OKAY I FINALLY MADE ONE
A guide for how I tend to do my horsecocks! I mean, they still vary from picture to picture and style to style, but hopefully this helps people understand how I think about them.
Also I made this without really looking at any anatomical reference whatsoever so IT’S JUST HOW I DO ‘EM
Hopefully i can make one in the future for like, taints/balls/buttholes/cum/etc. Maybe that’d be a good thing for a patreon! Anyway here enjoy this page full of horsedicks
Yes, I have. There was no easy cure though because when you’ve been drawing for a while but you still realize your skills feel mediocre, it can be really crushing to try to deal with. You’ll grapple with questions like “am I ever going to get better? What if I’m stuck at this level forever? What if I stay… “bad”?” and that’s super hard to deal with. I’ll try to map out my ages and how I felt about my art:
1-12: Art was all fun and I never really thought about being amazing until I got on the internet from the time I was a tiny baby holding a crayon to when I first got on an oekaki (when I was 11). Around 12 I started feeling really competitive for some reason, which is just so absurd for a 12-year old (also thinking back to being like 9 and thinking I could do better art than the people who made Spyro), but kind of highlights a personality trait I’ve always had. I didn’t really compare myself to others until this point.
Around 12-16 I was really starting to become more critical of my work and getting better. It was mostly because I had ideas, and I wanted to draw them… I wasn’t trying to improve for the sake of improving, it was because I thought “well I really want to be able to draw this idea” — so I had goals at least, which was good! I also started imitating artists like Sugimori etc when I was 12-13. I started taking commissions when I was 14 and learned how much it sucked to earn 6 dollars in 2 hours of work. Really bad work. With a mouse. I didn’t have a tablet until late into being 14.
Looking back on it, if I had been so self conscious of things I drew from being a kid until being like 16, I don’t know how I would’ve kept drawing… It took a really long time to get to a low point on the mediocre scale! That was something I suddenly realized when I was about 16-17-18, because I ended up with artist friends in HS. Our skill levels were similar but I practiced more than they did so I was a little further along. I guess I took it more seriously? Or maybe I had nothing else to do. Anyway, I always always got kind of competitive with people who I thought were better than me artwise, so maybe it was best that I didn’t think that with my friends. (I have since stopped caring about that!)
Enterting college was rough. Suddenly, this was me in a place full of people who do it professionally, and who were going to become people who did it professionally. And no matter how much I drew, I hated the style I drew in. Hated! I would have little episodes over it all the time (Marl can confirm this), but despite this, I kept drawing. My least favorite works are things I did in college. They were trying SO HARD to be something that stood out because I was trying SO HARD to find my artistic voice, and I knew it wasn’t good enough yet. And keeping going despite that is just BRUTAL. I would get legitimately angry over it. Frequently! “What do I need to do? What now?” The only way around it was to look at inspiration and take pieces that I felt were in the right direction. Most of what I got angry about was trying to develop Flora stuff and original works, and the other half was about learning how to paint. I’d go, “okay, legs drawn like this… this is important to remember this and try this” - and so I’d draw a flowercat with different legs, see how it panned out. I had to learn that it was really important to CHANGE THINGS FREQUENTLY even if it “looks bad” - maybe you saw my giant stack of sketchbooks, but most of them are packed to the brim with me making drawings that I don’t like at all. I still make plenty of drawings that I don’t like, but those are REALLY IMPORTANT so I can figure out what I don’t like about them and so I can take parts I DO like from it later.
It wasn’t until like… hmm, the very end of PMD-e that I started to feel more secure in my work. And that was what, about a year ago? Which is, not coincidentally, when I finally started Flora. I’ve tried comics in the past with Flora stuff, but I always “knew” that I wasn’t good enough yet. Not enough work had been put into it yet, the style wasn’t there yet, I didn’t know enough about art yet… so I made a lot of practice comics before getting to the thing I’ve been waiting to get to for a decade. I completed a lot of silly comics and a lot of PMD-e comics and just made sooo many pages in preparation for actually doing my own comic to a consistent schedule. I had to prepare myself.
So… it wasn’t until very recently that I would say my insecurities have melted away. I have my style, I’ll continue to develop it, but it’s going in a direction of my choosing because I finally have the experience to back it up and do whatever I want with it, but that was on literally 2 decades + of hard work and half of that was spent feeling agitated over not being where I wanted to be yet. I don’t know where I’ll be in a decade, but I can only hope I’m pushing my own boundaries further as time goes on.
I hope this helps! It’s really an ongoing process but when the relief finally comes, it’s very sweet, because it frees you up. Until then, you have to try your best to achieve ideas with your current skillset — it’s just important that you *try* and you focus on things you want to improve. Constantly challenge yourself and try new things. I know I’ve stressed this in particular, but I NEVER EVER would have gotten where I am without trying a new way of drawing this or that, or trying a color I don’t normally use, or looking up a ref of a cat eye, or just whatever various things I normally didn’t think about.
I felt I should reblog my answer from my other blog, here!
You probably know from prior experience with me that things that get me thrown in the gross furry slammer come in fours. =w=/
And from the GFJ Penitentiary, have another thing ;w;
Cupcake dragonette (ღ˘◡˘ღ)